Kenwood

My Romance with the Kenwood Estate is now over a year long. Every time I was back in Florida I really missed it. I missed walking the seasons, past the Hampstead Heath Extension, uphill though the woods, past the Spaniards Inn and within 20 minutes, the West Gate. This elegant estate was built in the 1700s as a family home and is now owned by English Heritage. Kenwood Estate Park is also where Andy works as a Ranger AND The West gate is where Andy always meets me. 

I love the clean Georgian exterior and surrounding gardens and woodlands.  The estate itself houses an impressive art collection, a collection that I have yet to see as I am usually ambling with Andy searching for mushrooms or having a latte at the Brew House Café and more often than not,  a delicious Almond Croissant.

Warm weather has the locals flocking to the estate, of which I am now one AND I cannot wait for Sophie to be here so we can violate the leash laws that are continually being enforced by the rangers!!!!

Dancing with Daisies and Mushroom Eyes

With Andy being so busy, one of his days off last week was allocated to a survey and the lucky winner was Little Wormwood Scrubs AND as I want to spend as much time with him on his days off I decided I should tag along.

Little Wormwood Scrubs is a relatively small park with areas of flower beds, woods and grassy park and by the look of it, primarily used by the vast assortment of local canines and their very obedient owners. I haven’t had my mushroom eyes on for some months so it took me about half an hour to start spotting the relatively limited array of Pluteous, Psathyrellas and Agaricus..(how impressive is that!!!!) It’s amazing how colorful these magical fruits are…yellows, reds, blues, purples……and once you start looking they REALLY pull you in. A little like a scavenger hunt.

I did manage to miss some spectacular Blewitts as I was temporarily pulled off task by this beautiful display of wild flowers; poppies, cornflowers and daisies, all dancing in the breeze.

Sitting in WE

Been here for a week exactly….today I had my first melt down, which on the face of it, I suppose is not that bad!

Andy has been in this flat for ten years, six years with a girlfriend although the last three years he has been alone here. The obvious thing would have been for us to get our own flat, somewhere new for our new start but it really seemed impractical when his place had so much to offer; spacious, nice garden, parking space, near Hampstead Heath, near the tube…shops less than 5 minutes away. So, we decided I should come here to live.

Over the last six months  I have slowly been making the space ‘ours’. Adding all those little ‘touches’ and subtly replacing the majority of essentials, like dishes, bed linens (courtesy of Ikea). Adding lamps, rugs, pictures, etc. etc and the list goes on.  Yesterday I changed the furniture around in the bedroom and moved the bed from against the wall to allow me to get up in the night without climbing over Andy. (Scaling another human in the middle of the night is really not that comfortable when you are a woman of ‘that certain age’.) When I mentioned I was going to do this he told me that ‘WE has tried it that way before’…..!!!!!!  I ignored it as he does tend to slip in the ‘WE’s’ quite frequently when he is talking about the past (the ‘WE’ being him and an old girlfriend).  This morning I was commenting on how nice the windows looked since I repainted the woodwork and re-hung the curtains.  He then reflected on how ‘WE’ had used those curtain hooks before’!!!!! That last ‘WE’ pushed me over the edge.  Let’s face it…we all have a past ‘WE’ but how unless we are talking about the current WE, shouldn’t the past become and ‘I’, especially when I am in an ‘old WE’s’ flat.  Maybe I am being sensitive as it is going to take a while for this new space to become my home but right now, for today, I feel like I am sitting in someone else’s WE……and pardon the pun but it pissed me off!

Absence

I cannot believe that today is the third anniversary of losing my sister Janet. How valiantly and graciously she fought breast cancer – never has there been a warrior this beautiful and determined. How I miss her energy, wit and teasing eyes playfully scrutinizing my face for wrinkles. She would be three days from her 45^th Birthday and no doubt wisely investing in the best skin care creams in the world, insuring her glamorous looks. She would be laughing with her friends and planning where they should be drinking wine in celebration. She would also be following several 'fabulous' items of clothing on eBay. On a sadder side she would be worrying about her nephew Adam and worrying about how help my sister take care of his autistic challenges. She would be worrying about my Mum and her failing health. She would be worrying about all of the animal cruelty of the world and the numerous charities she supported. She was an Angel and touched everyone who knew her.

She died Midsummer’s Eve 2008, the day the summer solstice opened its arms and took her home to dance with the fairies.

Shutting the Door - Written Saturday June 18th, 2011

So I am shutting the door to my home for the last time. Everything has gone including Sophie who left with Charlotte last night.The stories this house holds! The laughter, the tears, the anguish of parenting, the joys of parenting, the parties, the problem solving, the loneliness, the animals, the fullness of life and THE FAMILY!

I can't stop crying.....this seperation is almost primal...it is bigger than me. Not only am I leaving this home, I am leaving a life...the life I have known and sparred with for 23 years. I no longer will wake up with a smile wondering what the childrens first words and observations of the day will be. I no longer will have Sophie telling me its time to get coffee and munchkins and no longer wake up to Andy's 5.30am phone call. That phone call that has proved you can share a life from 5000 miles.... the distance that finally ends today.....that distance that begins AGAIN today.

Andy O

My Andy  is a Pop Star! He is beautiful, talented and knows how to ‘strut his stuff’ on a stage. At 50+ he is an enigma…with his projection of youth, creativity, energy and unadulterated sex.  He makes Dorian Gray look like Albert Einstein.

My Andy is also a Mycologist, which means he is an expert on all things fungi from the psychedelic, to the common field mushroom and knows how to use a microscope. He gives workshops, conducts walks and leads the London branch of the British Mycological Society. Not to mention weighing in on the continual British media frenzy of foraging and the pillaging of our land.

On top of this he throws in a full time job as a ranger at Kenwood House beside Hampstead Heath and let’s not forget the part time surveys he has now committed to for a selection of London Parks.

My Andy is all of these things and as I prepare my move to London this weekend I wonder if I’ll ever see him. 

Incidentally Janet

Last night was a tough one after saying goodbye to my closest friend Janet. I have known Janet for over seven years. She came and introduced herself to me after I tracked down a brat who had bullied her son who walked home from school with Tom….I was the boys hero after I cut off the bike riding bully  by blocking the entrance of a side street with my car and delivered him a ‘nice little speech’.

Janet is  an energetic Kentucky girl who loves her family, sports and sneakers, the latter of which we have worked on for the last few years and I am now proud to see her wearing some nice heels with her dresses. She is surrounded by what I term as incidentals. Her husband ‘incidentally decided to run for Mayor of our city several years ago and WON!!!!!! We were shocked but enjoyed the fun of her ‘first lady’ status for the term.  She incidentally has a son embroiled in politics who has a girlfriend from a very wealthy local family who ‘incidentally’ have a yacht and our taking Janet to the Bahamas for her birthday.  We were at a political rally and the Vice Presidential Candidate (Joe Biden) ‘incidentally’ sought out Janet from the crowd and hugged her like an old friend.

 It doesn’t matter how simple Janet may appear she draws status and celebrity at every turn. I love you Janet! I love you for your positivity, kindness, generosity, politics, acceptance and friendship. I will miss our Friday nights tremendously.

All of the Sweetness

My Lovely friend Michelle has encouraged me to write a blog and the more I thought about it I realized this was a great opportunity to share experiences and stories ‘across the pond’. The challenge was then to decide a name; I didn’t want it to be Heather’ Life/All About Heather etc etc as this is about so much more…my friends, my children, Sophie and of course, Andy. As I was thinking, an image sprang to mind of a home I pass every morning when I take Sophie for a walk. The home is a little shabby at best but the front garden has an abundance of clover which takes me back to childhood surroundings.  What better representation of the collective ‘sweetness’ in my life, past present and future….so despite the distance we can all roll around in clover together.

Where is home....

I can't believe I am finally down to my last week in the United States and am moving back to England after twenty three years. I have wanted this for so long!! Going to live with Andy, Andy who I have known since I was fourteen years old, the man I am marrying and spending the rest of my life with. We have so much ahead of us but today I am mourning what I leave behind.

Yesterday my friends and I emptied my home in to a 17 foot truck and dispersed the contents to family and friends. Today, Tom's room is empty and I no longer will hear his guitar and vocals escaping from his bedroom. I am scared of how much I am going to miss him! I am scared of how much I will miss Charlotte's impromptu visits, our kayak trips, our breakfasts, our shopping expeditions. Of how much I will miss my small circle of friends and how they have wrapped their arms around me for all these years.

I have raised my small family within these walls and as willing as I am to leave it, I don't want to lose the memories. I want them to impregnate like a childhood smell - so every now and then, when I am missing them really badly I take a breath and pull them out like an old familiar blanket.