Suspicious Minds

Being the parent of a teenage girl (Charlotte) has prepared me for super 'sleuth-dom' BUT unless you are being paid for it, it far from pretty AND unless you are really careful, it is REALLY UGLY!


A million years ago (well ten) Andy broke up from an eighteen year relationship with Miranda. Since then he has had another long term relationship of six years, and one of the reasons it was not successful was his ongoing 'friendship' with Miranda. When we first got together he told me about this friendship and asked me if I would have an issue with it AND at the time, I thought not. Well, after her regular bi-weekly phonecalls, her then wanting to produce his book, her showing up at his gigs among other ongoing instances, I changed my mind - I DID INDEED HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT! Wasn't this really the equivalent of an ex-wife calling every couple of weeks. The more I thought about it, the more it festered and I then caught myself doing ugly things, like checking his texts....ughhh....this can't be me...I am not like this....but I could not help myself. I tried to be reasonable, have the stiff upper lip but it kept giving an involuntary curl to the side until I was practically snarling 24/7. Something had to be done.


Andy was starting to get the hint that I may be having an issue with it when snide remarks started slipping out, like....'eff off and marry her instead of me'....and other subtle comments of that nature. Eventually, I wrote him the longest 'love' letter, sharing how we would be spending our life together in detail, from the ongoing walks, holidays, wikpedia searches, to grandchildren to mushrooms, to music, to films, to art showings, to cozy nights in by the radiator, to meals, to Kenwood etc etc. It was loving, alluring and eloquent AND all true...however.....


The last paragraph told him how much I loved him, how much I wanted this and how important our future was ...................BUT, it could not happen if he did not end this relationship/friendship. That is what you call 'iron fist in velvet glove'.


So, he did indeed tell her that all contact had to cease, that his future was now with me etc. etc. AND as far as I can tell it has stopped.  The funny thing is, I wonder if I have created a far worse situation with this ultimatum. It is like telling your child thay are not allowed to smoke, not allowed to drink. not allowed to have sex.....they say they won't but they know there is a good chance that they will.


Moral of story.....trust must prevail because at the end of the day you cannot control everything, you cannot be everywhere and who wants to be a dictator. AND at the end of the day, Andy is with me, has asked me to marry him and wants to spend his future with me AND shouldn't that be enough.

And if I found out there was a violation of trust, I could appear to wave the white flag and invite Miranda around for breakfast with Andy and I. I could then serve them both up a nice helping of the above mushroom......Death Cap.....just a thought...!!!!!!